وهذا رابط التدوينة الأصلية:
Here is number four in the series of translations of Bahraini blogs (links to the previous three are in the sidebar). The decision to profile Al Kaseef's blog about in an indirect way; I have been reading it since it started, and while I could understand some of it, I found that at best I was clearly missing out on certain levels of meaning, and in some cases couldn't even work out what was going on. I asked for help in understanding it, so Cradle of Humanitykindly translated a post for me. I then took her translation and tweaked it, and interviewed Al Kaseef about his blog. However all credit must go to Cradle of Humanity for doing the original translation, then checking my revised version.
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Al Kaseef (which means 'the dirty one') started his blog, School Scribbles, in October 2007. It ismainly about the experiences he had when at school. He says he is disillusioned with the Ministry of Education, and feels its title is a misnomer. He believes education is of the utmost importance, but that it is neglected and marginalised in Bahrain. He describes it as being one part of a political auction: the number of this group and of that, the number of foreigners, of unemployed qualified Bahrainis, and so and so forth; he says that no one talks about education as a lifeline to escape underdevelopment, and the deterioration in scientific, intellectual, cultural and even artistic knowledge in Bahrain today. He spent twelve years as a pupil in five different government schools, and portrays it as a miserable journey. For all of these reasons Al Kaseef decided to start blogging. He has chosen to use a language that combines standard Arabic with the colloquial, even though this means the blog gets less interaction from readers outside Bahrain. The Bahraini dialects are complex, diverse and rich; instead of shouting and screaming, he is trying to communicate by stories, and images.
The black comedy that existed in the schools of the past is different today. Some of his readers have accused him of being coarse, and others of going too far; he denies that is the case, and says he is simply writing about what happened in the schools he attended, without any exaggeration, embellishment or invention.
The most important thing for him is to deliver his message without speeches, preaching, and political statements. He says, 'It's not a bad thing to make people smile – and not many Bahraini blogs do that.'
I don't know what the secret is, but teachers of religion (as the subject was) and Islamic education (as it is today) just never stick in your memory. Is it because religion classes were trying to make happen what had already happened? Or because the personality of such teachers was nowhere near attractive? Or because the religious studies curriculum was awful and weak and had no relation to reality? Or all of the above?
Personally, I can only remember a few of them. I think the reason for this is that they taught Arabic as well as religion. In addition, religion classes were a complete joke, and an opportunity for anyone who wanted to broadcast lameness, smuttiness and dull humour for everyone to hear.
A friend of mine swears, and he is someone you can trust, he swears on his life that a group of his fellow students used to have a competition in religion class for who could ejaculate first. Yes, I mean a masturbation competition in the classroom, during religion class. He didn't tell me if there were any valuable prizes, precious gifts and certificates of appreciation for the winners. Of course nothing deterred that lot, neither the presence of the pious clique in the class, the loafers, the thugs, the poor pitiable one sitting studying, nor any of the others.
Going back to complete jokes, we were taught religion by a teacher who was an Arab Marxist, i.e. communist, infidel, atheist, heretic, blasphemer, profligate, lascivious and whatever else you like. I won't mention his nationality so I can't be accused once again of being undiplomatic. He had just arrived in Bahrain 'fresh', and didn't yet know the ABC of the one million local accents. Because he was knowledgeable and well-informed in religion, and erudite and conversant with everything concerning fatwas, some students would always try to skew his classes by pushing him to engage in the pleasure of issuing fatwas about anything and everything.
This commie teacher, who came from a cultural background as far from religion as you could be, found pleasure in explaining and elaborating and meandering through religious topics and issues, and twisting them until they conformed to the sayings of Marx and his friends and adherents and all those who followed him in good faith. But that is not the subject I want to discuss. What I want to talk about are the fatwas of this teacher, and the conspiracies against him plotted by a group of students. They would swap roles amongst themselves; one asked a question, and of course the teacher did not understand, so he asked for an explanation. Then the second one jumped in and added fuel to the flames, and the third came and swayed the argument left and right, and so on until the class was over. We were all accomplices, and stayed composed so we wouldn't laugh; we listened carefully as if the question would determine the course of our lives, or would guide us to the true path!!
The questions were strange and bizarre, such as: What does authority say regarding the issue of watermelon? What is the verdict on doing it doggy-style during a north wind – is it permissibleor prohibited? And the debate would get into explaining 'watermelon' and 'doggy-style', and after explanations and clarifications and interpretations from the members of the gang, the question would reach a new version after wasting half an hour, such as whether it is permitted to use toothpaste during Ramadan and otherwise, or what the verdict is concerning a man who divorces his wife when drunk. Another question I can remember until today, as if it were asked just yesterday, asked whether making your brakes squeal was obligatory, optional or recommended. After quality debate the question evolved to whether farting invalidated partial ablution, and if it mandated full ablution!
The class was really a travesty. I will conclude with two jokes that appeared in a book called 'The Exquisite in Each Elegant Art' by Al-Ibshihi that are related to the subject of this post.
The first joke:
A man came to a religious jurist, and asked, 'If I fart in my clothes until the smell spreads all over, is it permissible for me to pray in the same clothes?' The jurist said, 'Yes, but may God not make more Muslims like you.'
The second joke:
A man came to some religious jurist, and said to him, 'I worship God following the sect of Ibn Hanbal. I performed my ablutions and prayed, and while praying I felt a wetness sliding in my trousers. I sniffed it, and it was foul-smelling.' The jurist said, 'May God give you health; you crapped, all sects are unanimous.'
said:
من البحرين